"Weapons of Math Instruction" are not my own words. But the first time I read it I laughed so hard I figured, "I simply must share it!"
Weapons of Math Instruction
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a protractor, a T-square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. The man is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search for absolute value. They use secret code names like x and y and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.
When asked to comment on the arrest, the President said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to dis-integrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."
The President warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."
See now, wasn't that hilarious? Oh, no no! Don't mistake me for a nerd or a geek just because I understand what all those fancy mathematical terms come from! (I'll have to make a post on being mistaken for an "individual who is socially inept due to being overly studious" ie. a nerd. Because I get that a lot.)
I very much enjoyed math until this past semester when I had to take college calculus. I hate calc. with the passionate fury of ten-thousand (no wait, make that twenty-thousand) burning suns! My professor would (literally) go off on tangents and not finish the lesson. So I'd have to go to the math lab frequently.
I do know that math (and even calculus *spoken while gritting teeth*) is very important. And I utterly give my highest respects to those who understand it and use it. I think those that actually love it, though, are somewhat strange (my professor would bob up and down with excitement and grin like a cheshire cat while explaining rules and theories). But big kudos to them too!
I, for one, believe that:
Calculus is an essential devilry!